A Little Space for Me

1. places I’d like to travel to.
2. things I’d like to learn.
3. people I’d like to meet.
4. people I would try to avoid.
5. things that make me happy.
6. things that make me sad.
7. favourite songs.
8. favourite websites (NOT blogs!).
9. my favourite items of clothing.
10. fave Youtube videos.
11. favourite books.
12. favourite foods.
13. favourite positions. *ahem* yes, those positions.

Catchy title huh? It’s so true though, I never can think of anything for titles, maybe I should just leave them blank…

So, I wanted to say a HUGE thank you to all the kind messages you all left after my last, ever-so-slightly down in the dumps post from the weekend. I am going to make an appointment for the doctor’s, I will… I just, have been busy with, y’know, stuff. Ok, ok… first thing tomorrow I will give the counseller’s number a call, and make an appt with the doc. Need to get a prescription refilled again anyhoo…

What beautiful weather we’ve been having, and I’ve been a very naughty blogger and not taken enough photos… it’s kind of difficult to be photographing your toddler/some flowers/cat when your also holding a squirming 10 month old… Once he’s walking it’ll be easier. Or harder. I haven’t decided yet!

Speaking of a certain 10 month old… Max has started attempting to say ‘dada’, well… more like ‘dadadadadaga’… but still… he’s getting there! He LOVES being tickled, especially under his lil chin, and under his arms. He’s also finally managed to calm down in his bath enough to actually… ENJOY it a little… big achievement there, he would scream in terror the whole time he was in there previously. This time he at least stopped and looked around for the last 3/4 minutes!

Oooh, and he’s almost figured out how to get up on all fours now, although he does tend to end up moving backwards when he shuffles his back legs down again. Hmm, did that last sentence make sense? Oh well, I tried.

Aaaand… he’s *mostly* sleeping through the night now!!!!! Well, from a last feed at around 11pm-midnight until about 7-8am. Hell, I am NOT gonna complain one little bit… I’ll tell ya one thing though, I really should start going to bed earlier so I can have the same sort of amount of sleep. Instead of reading blogs, ya know?

Zack… well, he’s been, uh, well, he’s happy as larry when he’s outside, but as soon as he’s in he turns into a lil devil child to be honest. Wants attention ALL the time, takes Max’s toys away from him and smiles when he sees his lil bro cry as a result, and I have lost count of the amount of times I’ve put him in his room or (… omg call social services!!!) smacked him for kicking poor wee Rocky. Yes, my son thinks it’s great fun to terrorise the cat. At least the wee guy can go outside now to get away from Zack! I really do need to get his hair cut soon too. He starts nursery in 2 weeks and boy is he ready for it. So am I. Love him to pieces but it’ll do us both some good to have a break from each other each day.

I’m kinda freaking about the whole job situation (or lack of) we’ve got going on at the moment, I really am unsure of what to do. I guess I’ll just have to suck it up and figure it out, huh?

Well, that’s what’s been going on with us, or the boys at least!

Oooh ooh ooh and guess what? Karen over at 3 Garnets & 2 Sapphires gave me an award!! Ok, ok… so it was almost a month ago - I’m sorry to say I seemed to lose you in my feeder for a while Karen, so I only just noticed this today! Bad Marylin!

I’m officially a Must See blog!

So now comes a list of my must-see blogs, a top 10 of people I read every day without fail…

1. Veronica of Sleepless Nights.
2. Jenty of Jenty’s Ramblings (and don’t forget to check out her photoblog too!).
3. Tiff of Three Ring Circus.
4. Kelley of Magneto Bold Too.
5. Sandy of Momisodes.
6. Ree of The Hotfessional.
7. TJ from Temerity-Jane.
8. Laura of Synchronization of Us.
9. Kim from Frog Ponds Rock.
10. Laura from Oraeley.
11. and sneaking in Rebecca from Ramblings by Reba as an extra.

About the Must See Blog award: This award was created for blogs that cannot be missed. Whether you secretly lurk, always comment, or frequently check in to see what’s new, these are blogs that must be tuned into regularly.
How to pass it on: Pick 10 blogs that you can’t help but visit often. The ones you consider a “Must See Blog.” Announce the winners on your blog with links to the recipients as well as who originally gave you the award.

Hmm… I think I had been going to make a page for any badges that were passed onto me… must get around to doing that at some point. Now however, it’s time for me to get some sleep.

Well, J’s officially resigned from his job. It was either that or have them file for ‘retirement through ill-health’ for him, so it’s better this way.

He seems to be coping better, seems more himself - not as gloomy, or at least not all of the time now. He’s had a few half-assed attempted at looking for jobs, even got a couple of job applications, and has applied for one.

Sorry, but you’ve been off for 7 freaking months and in that time you’ve only just managed to apply for ONE FREAKING JOB???

*calms down*

I know, I know. You’re depressed. You’re anxious. Well you know what SO AM I. I was diagnosed before you and had to pull together for all this shit you threw at me, and I have. I have really, REALLY tried. You always say ’something will come up’, and ‘things can only get better’ right? Well that’s what I’ve been telling myself too.

I’ve been telling myself that for the past 7 months. Watching as you close yourself off from everyone and everything. While you’ve just lay on the sofa curled up in a ball feeling shit. I understand. Really, I do, but… and I know this is gonna sound so damn horrible… where the hell was my time to curl up on the sofa feeling sorry for myself? Where was MY time to be able to go away for a week at a time “just to get away from it all” hmm? Where the fuck was that? Oh… right, I got 2 freakin days. I just had to get the fuck on with it even though I didn’t want to be near my own children. Even though I felt like calling social services and telling them to take away our baby cause I thought I’d do something god-awful to them if they didn’t. Even though I wanted the whole damn world to swallow me up, to just fucking end it, I didn’t. You know why? Cause SOMEONE’S got to look after the kids. Cause SOMEONE’S got to act like a fucking adult around here, instead of playing video games all the time and getting pissy when his son want’s to do the same. Cause SOMEONE has to be able to keep some stability for our family, even when it’s all going to hell.

Well, that’s how it was 7 months ago. Wanna know how it is today?

He’s not lying on the sofa feeling sorry for himself anymore, and he’s not immersing himself in video games to forget everything going on around him.

I am.

I have become something I can’t stand, someone I wouldn’t want to live with, someone I would get pissed off with for not doing their fair share. And you know what makes it even worse? He hasn’t complained. Not even once.

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