I Feel So Lucky

I’m a member of an online ‘antenatal club’ for my boys, I joined the site it’s on while I was pregnant with Zack and with no other friends in a remotely similar situation (I was a student, and all my friends spent their time studying or in the pub) it was a godsend to have people going through the same thing, people who I could whinge about the morning sickness/spd/constant loo trips to and they were going through the same.

This group of girls as some of the most helpful girls I’ve ever met. So when I fell pregnant with Max I wanted to have people to share the pregnancy ups and downs with, I joined the club for women due the same month as me.

We recently heard from one of the ladies from Max’s club who’d given birth to her little girl a couple of weeks early, she was quite small for her dates and was a bit poorly, but that was all I was aware of being so caught up in my pregnancy and then the arrival when it finally happened.

Her beautiful lil girl has been diagnosed with Prada-Willi Syndrome. I’ve just googled it, and I just don’t know what to say to her. I feel so sad for her and her family; I can only imagine what she’s going through right now (

We take so much for granted, don’t we? It’s made me realize how lucky I am to have two perfect boys with no problems. I was so annoyed again last night when we had yet another horrible night with Max just being fussy and unsettled –

Now I realize I should cherish every moment, no matter how grumpy and irritable it makes me, I’m thankful that my lil boy is safe and sound and I’ll keep him that way for as long as is humanly possible.

Where has the time gone?

Six weeks ago today Max was born… I can’t believe it’s been 6 weeks already! He’s so alert now it’s great, he’s smiling and cooing and generally being very cootchy-coo ish (wonder if I’ll be saying this at 4 am tonight…ha).

I’ll save his entry to the world for another day as it’s late and I’d like at least 2 hours sleep before getting up again!

J has a cold… he’s pretending he’s fine while whinging about it quietly. Still going into work etc so it can’t be that bad.

Zack has been waking up on and off this evening so far, so I get the feeling he’ll be keeping us up on and off too.

In other words,…there’s bugger all going on in my world today!

Just had a little scare…silly really

I went into the bedroom to get changed, looked over at Max and couldn’t hear him breathing (he’s usually snoring away)… put my hand on his chest and wasn’t *quite* sure if I could feel him breathing.

Oh my god I’ve never been so freaked out. He’s fine, was just in a profound sleep. I’ll be prodding and poking him all night now to make sure he’s ok! Still… it makes you think.

I’ve got that horrible pit-of-you-stomach feeling cause I can’t shake the crazy imagination I have that has me thinking”what if that had happened, how differently you would be acting right now….”

Once again I end up blogging very late into the night (for me at least!), and I should so be in bed by now… I’m doing the night feeds with the idea that I’m having a lie in tomorrow – we shall see if I get that with two kids and J up and about…*sigh*

I had initially been going to ask for him to do the night feeds so I had a night off, but then I figured there’s not much point in that when I’d have to batter J to get him to wake up ( a lucky man who can sleep through anything!).

Then I end up having to get up for a loo break or whatever anyway, and can’t get back to sleep because of all the snuffling, etc. that Max gets up to. So I might as well just get up and do these feeds in the vain hope that I’ll get my catch-up tomorrow morning…

I’m in two minds whether to make up a bottle for the Lil’ guy now in an attempt to ‘dreamfeed’ him, or whether to just go to bed and see when he wakes.

Ooh and check out Veronica’s blog

she’s got a great site there, and is one of the first bloggy-friends I’ve made 🙂

Sleep Deprivation

Oh. My. god. I’m just too tired to think correctly let alone type – it’s just as well there’s a spell checker on this thing. It’s 9 pm, and as soon as Max has settled to sleep in his cot, I’ll be going to bed myself.

It times like this I wonder how I ever thought I had a clue as to what being truly exhausted meant before having children of my own. I feel like I should apologize to any mums that I attempted to justify my tiredness to before becoming a mother myself. I can fully appreciate why people who can’t sleep are driven completely insane; I’m almost there myself at the moment!

*Just a couple more months and he’ll be sleeping through.* This is my mantra… If i didn’t keep repeating this to myself when I try to put the kettle in the fridge and the milk on the kettle’s hub (yes it did happen this morning…again), or wonder how Zack can have grown so much not to fit into a vest to find that it’s actually his little brother’s, or even when I called a spork a cross between a fork and a knife as opposed to a fork and a spoon…

I’m sure all of these blips are because of my sheer tiredness building up from the past five weeks and four days (5 days if you count the fact that I was in labor the night before M was born!). They can’t possibly just be my complete stupidity getting worse… can they? [J’s reading this over my shoulder and laughed at the above comment… he stopped when I asked if he wanted to be on night feeds for the next week /sigh…men have no idea!]

I hope Max is a good boy for me tonight and sleeps well… I am dreading the thought of having to be awake for so much of the night when I could be having my precious sleep.

Ahh, bliss… he’s fallen asleep which means soon I can too )

Give me that dvd.. NOW!

So I got to see New Moon yesterday while the boys spent the day with their dad. Ohhh Zack was *so* pleased to see him, and Max took Zack’s lead, so was very happy and smiley and good with him.

I want to see it again!

Oh! My! God! Those wolf-boys! Rrrr!

The main thing though, the boys had a great time with their dad, and although Zack was sad to see him leave again this time (breaks my heart seeing him so sad), it wasn’t quite so bad cause now he knows that he’ll come back for another visit.

Max ate like a trooper apparently, and Zack got some dress up clothes, so he’s been running around the house as the red power ranger. I will get a pic if he’ll ever stay still enough!

Today was a pretty chilled out day. Max slept in, Zack snuggled up in bed with me this morning, and I got to dose till about half 9, so all in all a good start to the day! It was gorgeous out but absolutely freezing, so we bathed in the sun streaming through our living room and played together. They even went to bed well tonight!

The Weigh In

So Max is four weeks and one day old now and was weighed this morning. He is currently a chubby 10lb 1oz in weight.

I can’t believe he’s four weeks old already – WHERE has the time gone?? Thank god we’re starting to get a routine going. Otherwise, I’d be tearing my hair out by now. Writing this during ‘nap time’ in case you hadn’t guessed… wait, no one reads this so who you are?

He hates baths but loves having his tummy rubbed (so does his daddy… weirdos!). He hates being left on his own but doesn’t *have* to be held anymore to stop him crying; he’s quite happy to have me sitting next to him making silly faces.

Ooooh and… the wee munchkin has started the beginnings of the gummy grins! Although in this case, his is already a toothy grin, did I mention he was BORN with a tooth? Thank god for the formula that’s all I’m gonna say!

He’s also started ‘talking’ to me, if I say something to him and then wait a bit, he’ll start to kick his legs and arms about and is making all gurgles and cooing sounds, I’d forgotten about them, it makes me melt )

I decided to make a specific blog just for my wow chatter, as it just doesn’t really fit into this blog, so we shall see how it goes…


A Little Bit of History

Oh my god… surely not? I checked the test, rechecked it, and did the second one just to be sure, yep that blue line was most probably there…

I was pregnant, and that was that.

Should I be excited right? We’d been trying for about three months by this point. I should be happy and ecstatic and so looking forward to being a mummy like we’d planned. So why was my first feeling of this fear? I was scared out of my wits and had so many questions zooming around my head I felt suffocated.

It didn’t help that J had such a happy look on his face. I mean, I’m glad he did because I knew it said he was pleased about it too, but at that moment I felt my life change forever, and I didn’t know how to take it.

What if it was too soon? I was only 19 after all; I’d be 20 when I had this baby. What would our family and friends think? We’d just been engaged for a few months, not even together for a full year and I was already pregnant…

I knew we’d get it in the neck from both sets of parents. What if I couldn’t cope? What about those drinks I’d had the weekend before – could they have harmed my baby?

The questions buzzing around my head were never-ending, and I couldn’t think properly… I needed a stiff drink, but I couldn’t have one now, I wanted a cigarette to calm my nerves, but there was no way I could justify that either.

So the cigarettes went in the bin, J had the drink, and I sat there in a stupor trying to let this life-changing news sink in… I was going to be a Mummy.

It probably wasn’t the best of times to decide to try for a baby. Ok, it wasn’t the best of times to work for a baby. We were both at university and in the middle of our degrees, mine in Pharmacology and his in Computing. How on earth would we manage this? J had been thinking of chucking it in for a while and had started a full-time job at this point. I, on the other hand, didn’t have a clue what I’d do with my life different than what I’d always planned – I’d get my degree, then a PhD, then go into research. How could I possibly do that now? I’d have to take a break from uni and then decide whether I could go back or not.

The pregnancy had its ups and downs.
I ended up hospitalised on Christmas Eve due to Hyperemesis Gravadarum (severe morning sickness that just goes on and on and on). That didn’t go away till over halfway through it.

I managed to get symphysis pubis dysfunction, where the ligaments and tendons between the joints become too loose in the pelvis and cause immense pain. The SPD was worse because I’m hyper-mobile as it is.

As my doctor put it, I’m as flexible generally as your average pregnant woman is, so when I am pregnant and have the hormone relaxin released in me to ‘open up’ the pelvis for a baby to fit through…

well, you get the drift, and it’s not fun.

I also just happened to be heavily pregnant in what was the hottest summer in Dundee to date, and to top it off there was a heatwave when I went into labour.

Ah, labour… that was fun – not. It was by far the most painful experience I’ve ever been through. I’ll spare the details. On second thought, no I won’t!

I was five days overdue when I woke up to go for my usual 5 am loo trip when I had a show (snot-looking blob of jelly… glamorous business this pregnancy and birth stuff). I thought finally something might be happening but didn’t want to get too excited, so off I waddled back to bed. By 6 am I was having painful and regular contractions.

By 9 am I was in the hospital being told there weren’t enough beds in the labour suite but that I could stay up in the wards if I wanted. Go home and deal with pain on my own or stay in the hospital and have Entonox (gas & air) on tap… difficult decision eh?

By about 3 pm I was in a LOT of pain and wanted more pain relief which I got in the form or diamorphine. I’d also been told to be quiet by one of the midwives as I was disturbing the other women… now I look back on it I think I would have been a lot ruder if it hadn’t been my first labour!

Finally got down to the labour ward at around 4 pm, waters went around 5 pm, I started pushing at about 5.10pm, and Zack was born at 5.18pm.

As soon as he was out the pain stopped. He’d pooped himself while he was still inside and had to be taken to the resuscitation unit just outside to give him a little oxygen and luckily he was back in the room only a couple of minutes later.

I looked down at my beautiful little boy and fell so deeply in love with him it felt unreal. His big blue eyes opened, and he looked right in my eyes, and I knew I’d never want to be parted from this beautiful little being that I’d grown inside me.

Getting Caught Up in it All

There are too many social networking things to be discovered!! Since stumbling across this and deciding to have a bash at starting my blog, I keep blog hopping and finding more and more things to sign up to, widgets to use, themes to try out, groups to join, the list is endless and I’m finding it hard to keep track of it all!

It’s so easy to get too involved with everything and entirely forget about the actual writing of my blog. Not that there’s any particular direction to it at all, but still… I’ve found somewhere I can just put down my random thoughts and stories of what has gone on in my day and for now, that’ll do nicely )

Ideas keep popping into my head during the era of things I could write about, pictures I should take, things I should try to do on various WoW characters if/when I get a while to log on… but by the time I can sit down to do it I’ve forgotten about it all and just spew out random crap like this instead! I need a notebook that is Zack-proof /sigh.